Heartbreak Warfare: Rain in my Heart

“Lightning strikes inside my chest to keep me up at night. Dream of ways to make you understand my pain.”

It’s been two years since we broke up, left and took our separate ways. I know I should move on but…

You know, I’ve been doing all my BEST just to help myself get through this. I stopped stalking you, I left Facebook, I refused to pass by the AS Lobby, and I stopped texting you. But what the hell, I can’t figure out why I still feel this way. It still hurts. It deeply hurts. I can tell you how much I try to forget you. But whenever you’re near, it’s love that I fear. They said time would heal these scars tattooed on me. Okay sure it was quite healed already but how about the pain? I know two years is enough for a moving process, but not for me.

I’m moving on but not yet completely over. The fact that I have been loving you for seven years? Come on! That’s sick!! You were my first that’s why I kept on coming back to you. Now tell me, how can I forget a person who’s been a part of my life since then..

I have a point here. Do you know why I can’t complete this process? It’s because of you. You left me. Of course you left me. You didn’t even help me in my moving process: You failed to fulfill our “deal” or promise maybe? I’m really sorry if I’m blaming you for this, but it’s true. Remember the song in one of my AVP’s for you? “I always try to do this on my own but I was wrong cause only with you can I move on.” And that’s exactly what I’m trying to say.

We had a conversation “that night”, you said nothing will change, we could still be best friends, and we can still do whatever we’re doing just like before. I thought we’ve understood each other that very night. ‘Cause if it weren’t for these, I won’t even let you go for the third time. I assumed that it was just the commitment we’re losing, but not. You left.

I tried my best to reach out to you and fulfill that promise while you’re too busy forgetting about me. It seemed like you didn’t want to talk to me. Don’t worry, I understand. I understand that we both needed space. But I’m different, we’re different. Please, understand my pain. If I have loved you too much, sorry..

You know, it’s not yet too late to fulfill that promise. All this time, I’m still here, ain’t moving, waiting for you. I wanted us to be back again. It’s not what you think, He knows. I just want to be reunited with you. I’d love to be your sweetest BEST FRIEND. I can’t afford to lose you forever. Dito tayo, kung san tayo mas magtatagal. I’ve been praying hard for this. Help me. Hindi ako nawala, hindi mo lang ako maramdaman kasi ayaw mo akong pagbuksan. Not too late, baby.

❒ Mission Impossible — Reunite (#3 in my bucket list)

PS: Forgive me if this particular post has spelling and grammatical errors, or if it is nothing more than a rush of self-pitying and pathetic complaints, this is my live journal remember, so I suppose there will be the occasional post/s that is nothing more than me breaking down in my bedroom. So yeah, sorry. A personal blog here anyway.